


Counting Rams

by NowThatsDedication



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff, Sleepy Fili, brothers annoying the hell out of each other, everyone's alive in Erebor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-06
Updated: 2015-11-06
Packaged: 2018-04-30 06:21:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5153468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NowThatsDedication/pseuds/NowThatsDedication
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Forget about orcs, Fíli's greatest enemy is the morning. And his brother is not helping.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Counting Rams

"Fíli...Fíli! Wake up!"

"Mmm bhrrrmmm" The sleeping dwarf turned onto his stomach and buried his face deeper into the pillow. An annoying insect was hovering over his ear. It sounded like it was buzzing his name.

“Fíli? Come on!”

More muffled, unintelligible mumbling answered back.

"You give me no choice then!” 

Kíli tugged on his brother's mustache as if he was tolling a bell.

“Eww, it's wet! He wiped his hand on his leg in disgust. “You dreaming about chewing on a rope, by chance?”

Fíli swatted him away. "Huh? Wha-I'm up, I'm up! Stop! What...what's happened?”

“Nothing. Except you're going to be in trouble if you don't get up...five minutes ago.”

"Hmmmph." 

"I'm serious!" He was never serious. It was hard to convince Fíli he was this time.

"You don't need to pull my hair out," Fíli stroked both braids to assess the damage.

"I wanted to ease you gently into the morning. Remember what happened last time? You grabbed for your little nighttime knife under the mattress and nearly gutted me! Your own brother!”

"I THOUGHT I was being attacked!"

"And I learned my lesson! Now I play it safe."

"So what's all this about? Does it require getting dressed?"

"We have to look _presentable_." Kíli grinned to himself at the role reversal. For once, HE was being the responsible one.

Fíli groaned and squirmed out of the tangled blankets, strands of hair still stuck to his lips. How did Kíli always have so much energy? Up at dawn, every day. The only thing that rendered him powerless against the morning was a night of (very) heavy revelry. And he still recovered quicker than Fíli ever could.

"What's this about?" Fíli asked again. He couldn't remember whether Kíli answered already. He was too preoccupied with rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"Some meeting with important dwarves." Kíli shrugged. Details weren't important to him.

"Who?"

"Uh, representatives."

"From?"

"Three, maybe four kingdoms. You expect me to remember?"

"What about my breakfast?"

"There's no time!"

"Gahhh! Can it get any worse?" Fíli shook his fist.

"Yes. Thorin will kill you if you don't get ready. NOW." He tossed Fíli a rumpled pair of trousers from the floor. Kíli could get used to this responsible brother job - maybe. Maybe not. It was exhausting. How did Fíli do it?

"Ooh, you are soooo slow!" He taunted as Fíli struggled with which leg went where.

"Kíli…." It was a warning growl.

Kíli laughed, undaunted by empty threats. His laughter was usually contagious but not now - now it was obnoxious.

"Grumpy, aren't we?"

Fíli shook his hair and sent a couple of beads scattering to the floor with a clangorous TING.

"Aw, come on..." "No time to fix your hair, brother, this isn't a damned fancy ball." 

"Just one braid? You said we have to look presentable."

"Yes, MY kind of presentable. Got your boots on? Then you're fine."

Fíli ignored him and brushed through his locks with his fingers but the tangles made it near impossible.

"Ow! Ow!"

"Don't worry, you look _beautiful_. You'll be the prettiest dwarf in the room!"

"You're going to get it,” snapped Fíli as he peeked through his curtains of frazzled, knotted gold.

"Who are you trying to impress, anyway? It's going to be a bunch of saggy old blowhards with crumbs in their beards. No girls there." He raised an eyebrow.

"Did you expect there to be?”

"Would you move faster if I told you there were?"

"Yes, so much faster," Fíli rolled his eyes.

"Would you move faster if they were there to view your...sword?"

Fíli sighed alongside Kíli’s idiotic giggling.

"Hurry up! They want to handle your sword, Fíli! They want to-"

"Kíli! For Mahal's sake! I swear, if you don't shut up-"

"I'm just joking around!"

"Not in the mood."

"That's why it's fun!"

****

Fíli dragged his feet down the corridors. “I hate mornings,” he grumbled.

"It's not morning anymore, it's nearly midday!"

"If I ran things, there would be no engagements this early."

"How about none at all? Could you do that? Maybe keep it in mind? Because I really don't want to be there either. Especially if you're going to be such a cheerful ray of sunshine.”

“Don't talk to me for the next 10 minutes.”

"Ahhh! I've never felt so _awake_!”

“Kíli...you are really getting on my-”

"Thorin might set up a curfew for you! In bed by 8. Is that enough sleep? Or maybe you need designated nap times?”

"Oh, grow a beard."

"That's low. Even for you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Uh, that you're low to the ground..."

"Yes? Huh?”

"It means too bad you can't grow a few more inches!"

Fíli chose not to waste another breath rebutting him - it wasn't worth it. Kíli would just keep going on and on until he thought he won.

When they finally reached Thorin, they were met with an unforgiving glare. Yes, they were late, and Fíli's tunic was inside out, but he was there, and that's what mattered.

“We have a reputation to uphold in this kingdom. We have duties. We have _schedules_ ,” Thorin glanced at his younger nephew.

“It wasn't me this time! Kíli griped.

"Fíli,” Thorin sighed in disappointment, “you’re usually so reliable."

“Only after noon,” laughed Kíli, until Fíli discreetly elbowed him in the ribs.

“We cannot keep them waiting any longer, let's go.”

“Do we have to do anything?” Kíli asked.

“Pay attention. If you have any insight, I would like you to share your opinions.”

Kíli snorted. Fíli didn’t even know what this meeting was about. And it didn't matter much - very few topics would keep him interested now.

****

“Securing trade routes is the key to success!”

“The east is such a strategic piece of-”

“Shall we discuss the old laws or the new ones?”

It was painfully boring. Fíli gave up feigning attention and his mind drifted to his warm, soft bed. The down pillows he sank into. The furs that tickled his nose when he pulled them over his face….

“There are many intricacies and we need to differentiate between the useful-”

“Of course, the number of roads play a part in-”

“Outrageous! What kind of solution is that?”

Fíli’s head nodded and bobbed like it had a life of its own. If he rested his chin down, covered his face a bit with his hair, maybe no one would notice….

“Calm down, I'm merely making a suggestion!”

“We can sort out the particulars-”

“Better patrolled roads would benefit all but-”

_Stay awake Fíli, stay awake..._

“No one follows the law, we need to-”

“Raise the prices! There you go, problem solved!”

****

A kick woke Fíli with a jolt. Through half-closed, groggy eyes he discovered the room staring at him, some stern, others holding back laughter. Kíli had been wrong - there were representatives from FIVE dwarf kingdoms in attendance.

"We put you to sleep, lad?" one of them hollered.

“Too dull for you, _your highness_?”

Fíli’s face grew hotter than dragon fire and he wanted nothing more than to slump down and hide. How embarrassing. What a fine heir he made.

“S-sorry," he muttered. Thorin silently reprimanded him from across the table.

Kíli, after a few moments of hard thinking, rose from his seat with purpose.

“You shouldn't laugh or shame him! My brother was up late...patrolling...patrolling the grounds for...wargs?...and...and things...of that nature. So you should be thankful he kept us all safe.”

Satisfied with his quick thinking, Kíli then got ahead of himself, as was his nature.

“There would have been, uh, an attack if not for Fíli’s brave conduct. Why, within one hour he took down eight of-”

Thorin narrowed his eyes at him and Kíli quickly shut up and returned to his seat.

A couple of dwarves cleared their throats and nodded. Someone chuckled. One grunted.

“The trade laws need to be revised. That's the only way we can-”

“Shove it! That's the worst idea I've ever heard!”

They resumed their arguments. Thorin’s attention was drawn away. Fíli mouthed a “thank you” to Kíli, which was returned with a rude hand gesture and a smile.

****

Afterwards, when the visiting dwarves had ended their arguments and disbursed, Fíli poured out his gratitude.

“Thank you for covering for me. Really, you didn't have to.”

“Aw, it was the least I could do after all the shit I gave you this morning. And you do the same for be on a daily basis, so-”

“Do you think they bought it? That story you came up with?”

“Who knows? Who cares? They'll forget about it soon enough, if they haven't already. They're more likely to remember Thorin’s little tirade instead, not you dozing off.”

Maybe Kíli was right, for a rare instance. What did it matter? They couldn’t expect him to be perfect.

“Or maybe they will remember the sight of you...slobbering,” he pointed to a wet stain on Fíli’s chest. “How disgusting. Shall I bring you a bib next time?”

Fíli shoved him with the utmost affection.

“What!? Everyone does embarrassing things!”

“You'd know all about that, wouldn't you?”

“Very funny. So what are you up to for the rest of the day, now that we are _free_?”

Fíli yawned and stretched his arms. “A nap sounds nice.”


End file.
